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Toby Fox - Shop
Absolutely fucking harrowing experience
I am still shaken by this film and I think it's gonna stay with me for a long time. It is one of the single most terrifying films I have ever watched in a way which very few are. I, being trans, obviously have the experience to really 'get' what this film's about, which allows for it to hit so much harder. Tbh I cried for like 20 minutes after T-T. Someone just walked past me while writing and I had the VULTURES 1 cover open uncensored and everything! AAAAA! anyways I digress. On one hand, I wonder what the cis experience with this film is, but I also don't gaf because this film isn't for them. Its a film wholly about being transgender in the most explicit way possible without it being outright stated. It's baked into the very visual identity of the film. It's a incredibly vibrant mix of blues and pinks, and it's overall just a very beautiful film.
SPOILERS AHEAD!
the final 20 or so minutes of the film is genuinely some of the most horrifying minutes ever put to film imo. at least from a trans perspective. the birthday scene where owen screams out, begging for his mother is so painful. to live your whole life as another person. my deepest and most terrifying nightmare. i think that justice smith, as far as a cis person can portray the trans experience, does an outstanding job. a constant uncomfortableness and out-of-placeness that permeates so much of trans existence. i dont think you could ask for a better performance. i think owen's tragedy is one of the most depressing and impactful ive seen, probably because it relates so heavily to my own fears and the 'bad ending' of the trans experience. i called that it would be a john 50 story at the bar but just becuase you predict where a story will go does not mean the impact will be at all lessened. if anything it makes it a march towards the inevitable, a long drawn out hopeless tragedy. I do hope that owen becomes isobella, but I know that's not how it went. I find it difficult writing this as this film has had such a harrowing and disturbing impact on me that i dont even think i could do it justice with words. know that if you are trans, this is a very difficult but very important watch.
I got a new haircut today! it's pretty cool I didn't like it initially though but it has grown on me XD. it's quite a bit shorter than I had hoped but It still looks good. my hair before was like really long and unhealthy (I haven't had it cut for the past 7 years). also the bangs help with my dysphoria so that's a bonus. i actually really like it.
at work today we had a meeting where the guy presenting kept looking at me? it was kind of weird but I kept giggling and trying to break the eye contact. ngl he was fit I'd do him in the bathroom so maybe it wasnt for the worst XD
I decided to make a website bc uhh idk I've wanted too for a while but like ive never had a pc or anything and my dad said I can't use his bc its for work. But I finally can! I'm not very familiar with html, though I did used to edit websites with inspect in primary school, so I have encountered it before. Idk what I'm gonna put on there really. Maybe just like personal projects and a blog. tbh ive neglected this blog theres like one entry XD. But yeah I hope it goes well and that I learn some coding skills in the proccess!
I quit my job today. tbh it was something I had wanted to do for a long time bcuz it was very straining physically and mentally I just couldn't do it. there are some other jobs around where I live so I'll apply for those. I was honestly kind of relieved when I quit. i hated every second but my bosses were very understanding and very nice
also I quit my job to Ghost Town Pt 2 XD
