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hai everypony! first blog post in a little while bc a lot of things have been happening lately. ok ok so first things first im currently in the proccess of decorating my room. i have a few magazines hanging around so i cut out some of the things, which is awesome i have all the beatles on my wall!! and christopher lee as dracula!!! also a lot of other misc stuff like the hunger prints that came with the DVD. kitty also gave me this adorable clown!! i think im gonna call her claire. like claire de lune bc shes sitting on the moon. idk ill think of something better eventually XD. I also have a bunch of photos on my wall next to scrappy (my cardboard cutout trex). im gonna decorate my ceiling with some prints. i have some vylet pony, siouxsie and the banshees, bauhaus, kanye, tribe 8 and some others coming on the 2nd. pretty fricking epic lois.
christmas! we're still in the christmas season until the 5th of january so im still pretty festive. i need to take a photo of everything I got but iirc i got art of darkness by john hobb, journey to the west pt 1 by chengen wu (trans anthony c. yu), various makeups and perfumes, yeezus hoodie (wearing as i write this), kids see ghosts hoodie, pickle rick slipper socks, and some other stuff. my sister made me the cutest raggedy ann and andy wooden dolls. handpainted! dont tell anyone else but theyre probably my fav gift. i also got this sick watch that looks like magritte's this is not a pipe. fucking epic. i had a really nice christmas and it was very jolly. we all (with the exception of my brother) watched the muppets christmas carol in the cinema. my dad loved it. it really is so good. we watched most of the films we wanted to apart from miracle on 34th street, which is a shame but as long as we watch it's a wonderful life it's all good. it really os one of those films that gets better as you get older. i got mama this really cool griswold hockey jersey that shes asked for every time we watch national lampoons christmas vacation. i think she really liked it! ive got her a bunch of scream stuff and an applejack keychain for her birthday. i just got everyone else what they said they wanted pretty much
ive been thinking about a new years resolution and I think ive come up with one. I want to start a journal diary thing. I think it will be a more healthy outlet than my private twitter. also i forget a lot of stuff so it would be a good idea just so i can look back on my life. i do have a diary for 2025 but thats more like a planner and stuff. i think ill write in it like im writing a letter to someone. maybe myself of maybe one of my comfort charachters (raggedy ann here i come)
the other day i watched the film pink flamingos and it was a ride. i absolutely loved it. such fun, like so camp but so fun. its not a film for family film night or anything bc theres a lot of violence sex and filth but its really funny and divine is iconic. ive been watching a lot of good films recently and im going to see nosferatu on the first which le epic. also i watch the vylet pony elf stream for palestine which was honestly so fun. pissed myself laughing XDDDDDDDDDD. speaking of vylet pony, my album of the year monarch of monsters dropped last month and I finally got my best friend to listen to it! she really liked it and while she had complaints AND DIDNT FUCKING PAY ATTENTION TO PRINCESS CUCKOO she had pretty solid opinions. sludge truthers rise up. also the image to the right is how i feel getting into mlp in big 2024 (just watched the jenny nicholson last bronycon video)
Absolutely fucking harrowing experience
I am still shaken by this film and I think it's gonna stay with me for a long time. It is one of the single most terrifying films I have ever watched in a way which very few are. I, being trans, obviously have the experience to really 'get' what this film's about, which allows for it to hit so much harder. Tbh I cried for like 20 minutes after T-T. Someone just walked past me while writing and I had the VULTURES 1 cover open uncensored and everything! AAAAA! anyways I digress. On one hand, I wonder what the cis experience with this film is, but I also don't gaf because this film isn't for them. Its a film wholly about being transgender in the most explicit way possible without it being outright stated. It's baked into the very visual identity of the film. It's a incredibly vibrant mix of blues and pinks, and it's overall just a very beautiful film.
SPOILERS AHEAD!
the final 20 or so minutes of the film is genuinely some of the most horrifying minutes ever put to film imo. at least from a trans perspective. the birthday scene where owen screams out, begging for his mother is so painful. to live your whole life as another person. my deepest and most terrifying nightmare. i think that justice smith, as far as a cis person can portray the trans experience, does an outstanding job. a constant uncomfortableness and out-of-placeness that permeates so much of trans existence. i dont think you could ask for a better performance. i think owen's tragedy is one of the most depressing and impactful ive seen, probably because it relates so heavily to my own fears and the 'bad ending' of the trans experience. i called that it would be a john 50 story at the bar but just becuase you predict where a story will go does not mean the impact will be at all lessened. if anything it makes it a march towards the inevitable, a long drawn out hopeless tragedy. I do hope that owen becomes isobella, but I know that's not how it went. I find it difficult writing this as this film has had such a harrowing and disturbing impact on me that i dont even think i could do it justice with words. know that if you are trans, this is a very difficult but very important watch.
I got a new haircut today! it's pretty cool I didn't like it initially though but it has grown on me XD. it's quite a bit shorter than I had hoped but It still looks good. my hair before was like really long and unhealthy (I haven't had it cut for the past 7 years). also the bangs help with my dysphoria so that's a bonus. i actually really like it.
at work today we had a meeting where the guy presenting kept looking at me? it was kind of weird but I kept giggling and trying to break the eye contact. ngl he was fit I'd do him in the bathroom so maybe it wasnt for the worst XD
I decided to make a website bc uhh idk I've wanted too for a while but like ive never had a pc or anything and my dad said I can't use his bc its for work. But I finally can! I'm not very familiar with html, though I did used to edit websites with inspect in primary school, so I have encountered it before. Idk what I'm gonna put on there really. Maybe just like personal projects and a blog. tbh ive neglected this blog theres like one entry XD. But yeah I hope it goes well and that I learn some coding skills in the proccess!
I quit my job today. tbh it was something I had wanted to do for a long time bcuz it was very straining physically and mentally I just couldn't do it. there are some other jobs around where I live so I'll apply for those. I was honestly kind of relieved when I quit. i hated every second but my bosses were very understanding and very nice
also I quit my job to Ghost Town Pt 2 XD
